Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
