Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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