i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I intend to get homeless drunk
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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