Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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