You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
