Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
