Just fell off a train. Bad.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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