How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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