she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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