She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
