Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
