you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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