the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
