Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Ketchup is God's man juice
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
