It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
