I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize