She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
3 2 1 whiskey
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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