I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
