It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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