Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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