so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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