I'm so fucking centered right now
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
