I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
