i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
