you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
