I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
