If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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