Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
