I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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