I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
