had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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