Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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