From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
