he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
