I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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