This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
