question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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