Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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