She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
