so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
