We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
