i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
