youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think i peed on brittanys purse
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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