I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
