she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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