that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
