I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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