is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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