Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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