dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
