I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
